Honesty

I’m trying to write this and give it a fancy spin, some lovely PR doctoring that makes things sound pretty great even when they’re awful, and I just can’t do it.  I’ve already written and erased this thing four, maybe five times now, and it just keeps coming out rubbish.

The fact is, this is the first year I’m missing Art-A-Whirl.  The dates this year conflict with another very important obligation that I have in May, and there’s no way around it.  But even without that being an issue, I probably wouldn’t be open this year anyway…

Hell, let’s just cut to the chase: 2015 was a hard year for me. REALLY HARD.  Without going into a lot of mucky personal detail, the hits kept coming all year. I was completely tapped out mentally, physically, & emotionally.  The studio ended up becoming a giant storage locker for someone else’s belongings, and stayed that way (and unworkable) for months.

And the bottom line is, it was utterly exhausting, and my creative energy suffered greatly.

It’s like the past year my art completely hibernated.  It was the one thing that couldn’t survive the climate and it wilted away under a harsh storm of snow and ice.  For months my creativity was locked up and cold.  I even considered giving up art entirely and abandoning my easel.  But to go that far felt like being stabbed in the heart- it would be emotional suicide for me.  So I hung on, even by just a hair. Now I’m not saying I stuck with it out of some glorious vision of a better future on the horizon somewhere. I only kept a small part of me hopeful that my creativity would return because I was afraid.  I was afraid of who I’d be without it.  And I really didn’t want to be that person.

After 12+ months of letting my circumstances and other people be my own personal glacier, I think, maybe, I might be able to grab the reins again.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I finally feel a touch of warmth returning.  I am wrapping up loose ends of crap on the personal front. I have a great support group of people I love very much.  I am finding things, small things, to inspire me again. My path for the future is starting to lighten a little.  Spring has always been one of my most inspired times of year, and I think some of this weather is helping too.  (Hell, I’m going to take any inspiration I can get at this point.)  I still won’t be doing Art-A-Whirl, but accepting that the decision is mine is a great relief.

It’s not OK yet, but it’s going to be OK.  It’s spring.  Cue the happy ending 80’s movie music.

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